SMILE =D: SMILE, and the world is yours

[This might be a long post]
Have to update my blog before school reopen.
So, today's title is "SMILE, and the world is yours", since it's my blog title.

Well, many things happened recently.
At first was my mom, she nearly got stroke and cancer,
we prayed to God, and God helped us that she's well being now.
At then my 86 years-old grandma.
She fell down and can't walk for a month,
we worried and frustrated because she's old and might have sequelae,
God helped us again, my grandma recovered and she's active now,
she do housework by herself without asking the maid to do the stuff for her.
Then, my auntie, she broke her hand during Mother's Day in a stadium,
she was attending an event called "Mother's Day Special Day".
She got diabetics and the rate of recovering is low.
She isn't a Christian, she is a Buddhist.
One week ago,
God sent two girls to preach the gospel to her,
my aunt is a whole-hearted Buddhist,
actually my aunt broke her left hand last year,
and now she broke her another hand, which is her right hand,
more like she broke her right elbow and shoulder.
She knew that is Satan harassing her,
God helps her, her hand is now recovering.
I think that she started to believe in Jesus,
it is because whenever we talk about Jesus in front of her,
she made a face that she felt boring and weary.
That day ( one week ago ), when the two girls came to the hospital
and started to talk about Jesus,
she concentrated on what they'd said,
I think that my aunt changed her mind.

Back to my title,
SMILE.
It's very important to smile,
a smile a can shine the world,
people will think that you're a friendly and amiable person.
But I'm trying to smile these two days,
I can't even out of a smile,
I can't, I just can't.
My beloved tuition teacher, who stopped teaching me tuition since July 2011,
she admitted to the hospital because of some sickness last week,
and now then I know this thing happened.
The reason she had to stop teaching me is because she had to
take care of her mother-in-law who had stroke last year.
She told me that she will be back and teach me tuition after half a year.
But she didn't,
she had to continue take care of her mother-in-law,
she is the best tuition I ever met,
she started to teach me tuition when I was still studying in kindergarten,
which is 6 years-old little Florence me.
I love to attend her tuition classes.
She tells many interesting science fiction and some great news to me.
She's not like other tuition teach who just know how to teach and boost their
student to get good result and make them proud,
and don't know how to communicate with their student.
She's the best tuition teacher to me.
I love her.
I really do.
But I think I don't have the chance to say "I love you, teacher" to her anymore,
I can't meet her,
I don't know where she staying now...
I really sad about this,
really.
I don't have the mood to eat.
When I close my eye,
I keep think the scene when I be with her, when she teaching me,
and her pretty smile.
I really miss that moment.
"人总是在失去后才珍惜"
This quote is totally true. Because I did this.

Him,

Kang Dae Sung (강대성),
a 23 years-old vocalist,
his nickname is "The unpretty one", but his another nickname is also "Smiling Angel".
He smile melts my heart when I see his smiles.
He's not that famous as G-Dragon,T.O.P and other members of Big Bang.
I can see that his youtube videos view are low compared to his Big Bang members.
People sees the outward appearance and NEVER EVER see other people's immanence.
He's a boy that smile everyday, every moment.
He won't show his sadness to other people,
he hide them all inside his frangible heart.
He still smile when he's sad.
I really like this guy,
I hope that I have a boyfriend like him,
who always have a sweet smile.

According to his words,
he is really down when after he had the car accident.
Here, check out this interview by his church fellow.

Big Bang‘s Daesung finally broke his silence through an in-depth interview conducted by his church,Champyungan. It’s been difficult for anyone to get an interview since his scandal broke out, but his church managed to convince him after they said, “We don’t think interviews happen because people want them to happen. They will happen when God decides the timing is right.”

Mulling over these words, Daesung agreed, saying “I’ll do it“.

Check out his interview below:

—–

CH: It’s been about a year since we last interviewed you. So many things have happened in that time; how are you holding up?

Daesung: I spend most of my time at church. I come when there’s work to be done on the weekdays, and when I meet with our Young Adult Group.

CH: It’s probably been a while since you’ve spent so much time at church. How does it feel?

Daesung: Things were really hard after the accident. I thought to myself, ‘If it weren’t for my faith, I may have committed something truly horrible’. After the hardest 3-4 days of my life, I decided I wanted to see our head pastor. I asked the youth leader if that would be okay, and he invited me to come. And when he saw me, he encouraged and comforted me. I felt a sense of peace in my heart, and after that, I started spending all my time at church. This was the only place that offered me comfort.

CH: What do you mean you might have committed something horrible if it wasn’t for your faith?

Daesung: A lot of entertainers commit suicide, and now, I completely understand why. I’m not saying I was thinking about it, but if it weren’t for my faith, I could have possibly gone down that road. So I was so thankful. I thanked the Lord that he had given me this faith. Every single comment I read online pierced my heart. What was most heartbreaking was that people were calling me a murderer. Every time I walked outside, I felt like people were looking at me like I was a murderer.

CH: Did you feel safe within the church?

Daesung: Honestly, yes. I wasn’t really in a situation to be meeting and socializing with other people, but I felt comforted when I came here. When I stayed at the dormitory, I felt such anxiety and I wasn’t able to eat anything. So I stayed at church. Every time I needed to work, I came here. The thoughts I would usually have working elsewhere did not torment me when I was at church.

CH: Even those who don’t believe in God say that they feel a sense of peace come over them when they come to church. Why do you think that is?

Daesung: If you’re a member of our church, you would understand why. In some ways, I’m more comfortable at church then I am at home. I read online that even non-Christians were supportive of me re-gaining my confidence as well as my life by spending time at church — it was really encouraging.

CH: How did you feel, those first 3-4 days?

Daesung: I couldn’t go outside. I was so sorrowful, and I kept remembering what happened. My head was full of thoughts and the days just flew by.

CH: What kind of thoughts did you have?

Daesung: I was partially at fault, so I felt sincerely apologetic towards the individual. I prayed a lot. But even in my prayers, I would have reminders of that moment and I couldn’t continue. My prayers weren’t really prayers. I would simply repeat ‘I’m sorry, I’m sorry…’ for 20 minutes, and then cry again…

CH: What were you sorry about?

Daesung: I was sorry about what had happened to him, I was apologetic towards my agency and the members, and I was afraid of how my actions would impact the church. Instead of our church being uplifted by my actions, it was about to face harsh criticisms because of what I did. I was just so completely sorry. I was sorry to my parents, as well as to his parents…

CH: Didn’t you attend his funeral a few days after the accident? Must not have been easy for you.

Daesung: It was hard. But I felt responsible, and I knew I needed to pay my respects. I was involved in what had happened, and it was something that had to be done. It was really hard to walk in, and I couldn’t even look up to the faces of his family members. But the family members were kind enough to actually encourage and comfort me.

CH: What did they say?

Daesung: They were rightfully angry at first. But after we had a few conversations, they said that what’s happened has already come to pass, and since there’s nothing we can do about it now, they told me to work hard and they would like to see me get back on my feet. The individual’s parents are ill, and so his aunt spoke to me on their behalf. She was a Christian, she saw that I had a Bible in the back of my car, and she told me she wanted to pray and forgive.

CH: When people go through something tragic, they usually wonder why bad things happen to them.

Daesung: At the time, I was so bewildered that I couldn’t find room to search for answers to my many questions. After some time passed and things got more settled, the thought did cross my mind.

Ironically though, at that time our main chapel and the Youth Group chapel were under reconstruction, so it became a chance for me to rebuild my own faith as well. I was thankful to God, as I realized he was giving me time to reflect on my faith.

CH: What kinds of things did you think about as you helped repair the church?

Daesung: This is the first time I ever did this sort of work in church. I became really attached to our church as I worked on and for it. After it was all said and done, I was so thankful to be able to worship God in such a beautiful building.

In all honesty, I thought they would be calling in professionals when they announced that the church would be undergoing repairs. But they didn’t, and the pastor as well the deacons and elders in the church came out to help out with what they could. There was no way us young people could stand by and watch, so we helped out too.

It was a good distraction for me during that one-and-a-half months. I didn’t think about the accident during that time. I knew that God would be pleased in my actions, and that all things would come together for the good of those who love Him.

CH: You’re a celebrity that’s used to the limelight and attracting attention. But its been months since you’ve been in the public eye. Don’t you feel like you want to get back out there?

Daesung: I definitely want to sing, but I still don’t have enough confidence to stand before my fans as cheerfully as I once did. I still like being at church the best. I’m only here and at home, but I like it that way.

CH: Is your calling a little different now than it was before?

Daesung: I had the time to look over my faith and confirm in my heart what my dreams are. God has given me the talent to sing and to praise Him with my voice, and I want to use it to bring him glory. There are a lot of people in the industry who don’t know Christ who I can reach out to. I want to take advantage of that.

CH: Do you feel the members of our church have changed after your accident?

Daesung: Yes. Before, they would greet me so welcomingly, but now I feel like within their smile, they want me to know they understand my situation. They want to encourage and support me. They tell me they’ve been praying for me a lot. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I feel even more loved than I did before.

CH: A lot of congregation members have probably prayed for you. Prayer is a powerful thing, and all those prayers combined were probably a big source of strength for you.

Daesung: I think that’s the reason why I felt so comfortable in church, because they’ve prayed so much for me. I don’t know if I would have felt the same without their prayers. Perhaps I would have found a different haven to rest my thoughts. I know when I see the members that they’ve been praying so passionately for me — it made me realize the power of prayer.

CH: Those without faith believe that we find peace in our hearts in the search for God, and that He does not actually exist. Did you really feel that God was alive and helping you in your situation?

Daesung: Yes, a lot. Even when the jury ruled that I was innocent, that was obviously God working on my behalf. I was ready to accept whatever outcome I was faced with, but everything worked out OK. I knew that God stirred the hearts of the citizens in the jury.

CH: You seem like a completely different person from the Daesung we interviewed last year. Is there a particular hymn or Bible verse that comes to mind when things get hard for you?

Daesung: Hymn number 365. The lyrics “Get up with confidence” particularly resonates with me. I realize I want to get on my feet again.

CH: What did your parents say when you were going through your difficult time?

Daesung: They told me not to worry, and that I should start with Bible Study. Those first few days, I locked myself in my room. My mom came to visit and I got angry, raising my voice towards her, telling her I didn’t want to see anyone. She put up with all of that, and has been my source of strength to this day. I’m always sorrowful towards her, and so thankful that I have her in my life. I don’t even tell her how grateful I am for her, because I can’t express my emotions well.

CH: You recently brought fellow member G-Dragon to church. How did that come about?

Daesung: There was nothing I did in particular. He knows that I practically live at church and one day he had told my manager hyung that he wanted to come to our church. G-Dragon hyung belongs to a church himself, but hasn’t gone in quite awhile. I told him to come whenever and that he would always be welcome. But then I began to worry. How would I be able to create a comfortable experience for him? I never thought to pray for him to attend our church, but I prayed that by coming here, he would also experience the same comfort and peace.

CH: Are the two of you close?

Daesung: All of us members are close, but with hyung being the leader and all, he’s more understanding of me.

CH: Why do you think G-Dragon wanted to come to your church?

Daesung: I don’t know, I didn’t ask. Maybe he was curious about the church I was spending all my time at. One of the songwriters at our label also attends church here as well, so maybe he had some kind of influence on G-Dragon’s decision.

The day he came, there was so much going on everywhere with repairs. I apologized, telling him that we were doing some construction, and he told me it was okay. When we walked into the building, he saw the status of constructions and more construction signs as we walked up the stairs. He laughed and said he didn’t realize it would be to this extent.

The hymn we sang that day was “I love my Jesus”, and he remarked that he liked the hymn and he seemed to enjoy the experience. The senior pastor gave his sermon, and when he saw that I was busily taking notes, he remarked that he couldn’t really hear, and I began forwarding the message to him, as if I was translating. He said he really enjoyed the message. He came back the next week to meet our senior pastor and on our way home, I asked him what he thought and he said his eyes met the pastor’s and it was like the pastor knew what he was going through. He liked it.

CH: What do you pray about these days?

Daesung: I have been spiritually blessed through Bible Study, and I know that I will experience a blessing that I’ll soon see with my eyes. I ask the Lord to continue to change me so that I may be of use to his Kingdom. I pray that I will never lose this faith, this state of mind that I have right now. I pray that I will continue my walk with God, and never experience something this difficult to wake me up to the truth. I also pray that I will be blessed in my work, and that I will be able to sing with confidence and press on.

CH: There are three months left of this year. How will you be spending your time?

Daesung: I plan on taking a break for the rest of the year. I’m a singer and my work is with music, but for the time being and for the rest of the year, I want to focus on church and the Youth Group.

I’m so glad that I am able to serve the church in so many different ways, and I pray that I will be able to handle anything that comes my way, that I will be a living testimony. When I go up to the main chapel, I laugh to myself thinking about how I used to come in hiding my face. No one here considers me a celebrity. I am just another oppa, a dongseng, and a friend.

CH: Anything you want to say in closing?

Daesung: When you asked to do an interview, I thought a lot about the interview from last year. I thought about the answers I gave, and I felt so embarrassed. If I didn’t go through this trial, and didn’t have this difficult time in my life, I may have been going to church with the same mindset and the same shallow faith. I’m so thankful for the change.

Well, I cried when I was reading this post.
I was listening this song.
I can't even smile when I think back what happened these 6 months.

Yes,
DaeSung is not handsome,
but when I see his smile in those picture that appeared in Google,
I think he's the most handsome guy in Big Bang.
No one else can have the smile like him.
He is a firm guy.
Be strong like him,
at first his parents were against him that he wanted to be a singer.
But after he tried thousand of times,
he did it,
and now he's a famous "Smiling Angel" vocalist in Big Bang that always make jokes and relax his fellow members in Big Bang.
I hope that if everyone imitate like him,
the world will be peace and perfect.
And this is what God wants us to do.

I don't expect you guys to become a Christian,
but I'm a Christian to worship God that he made me and sent me to this colorful world.
I will try hard on everything I do,
I will try my best in my exams.

More like I'm a protestant.

"Smiling Angel" <--- This nickname is really suitable for him.

Like this page ----> Kang DaeSung

I hope those who read this, can smile everyday.
Be happy.
Stay healthy.